last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
