There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize