I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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