I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
