we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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