Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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