He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I puked a lego.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think we might need a safe word for this...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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