Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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