It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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