I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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