I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
