There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
