I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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