Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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