I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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