any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize