Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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