afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
