Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
