I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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