Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
