It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
