I hope mine doesn't look like that
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
