Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
