Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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