well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
