whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
