its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
