A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
