Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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