Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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