Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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