Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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