she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
