What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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