Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
