Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
