Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
