I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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