I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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