Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
