can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have post one night stand depression
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