ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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