My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
