why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize