The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
