I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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