hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hippo gnu deer
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
