Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I looked at my own cervix.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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