I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize