...so i touched it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
