Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
