he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
