im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
