My liver just broke up with me...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
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