no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize