How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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