Can Purell be used as lube?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
