True but thats because hes a fetus.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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