Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
